If you follow me on social media, you’ve probably seen me post about waiting on the Lord a lot lately. It’s been something I’ve been battling through for the past few months. It may seem like strange timing for those who know me well. The Lord has definitely been moving mightily in our lives these past few months.
He provided a way for us to escape a terrible, unhealthy situation and move our gym to a new 24 hour location. The details around how that was all made possible are truly miraculous and could be a full post on their own. So I won’t get into that today. But despite witnessing all of those miracles, I have still struggled at feeling discontent. Not because I’m not excited to see what He is doing at the gym, but because I still feel unsettled. Like I’m not fully living out what He’s called me to do.
I have guilted myself so much for not applying as much daily dedication to my business as I have in the past. I see the opportunity for growth and financial increases and I want to run after it. But I feel like I’m being held back intentionally. Like God has been trying to show me something. But I have still fought it. I want to run after my dreams, not wait on him to bring them to life in his timing.
And this isn’t just in business, but also in my ministries. I haven’t had the chance to update this blog as much as I promised myself I would. I haven’t done my weekly podcast in over 2 months. I started to plan a women’s conference. And God has halted me in all of those things for right now. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t find the time to work on these things. And it has frustrated me more than I could ever explain. You see, I have always been fiercely independent. I do what I want, when I want. I pride myself in making things happen, no matter what I have going on in my life, I make sure I make the time to get things done and be productive. But these past few months, I feel like I’m running up against a brick wall over and over again. What was happening?
I am a go-getter by nature. No one could ever deny that. But as I’ve (slowly) learned to listen to Christ, I’ve realized that sometimes He is asking me to stop striving. And that is one of the hardest things for me. I feel lazy and unproductive if I’m not fully focused on my career or ministry opportunities. But that’s exactly what God is asking me to do right now.
At first, I didn’t handle this well. I felt angry that God would show me little bits and pieces of my future in visions, and then not allow me to strive to make them happen. I felt like I was standing at the starting line of a race, just waiting for him to fire the gun to begin. I was living on edge waiting to take off as soon as I heard that shot fire off. And sometimes, I would even try to sneak over the line, wondering if I just missed hearing it. And I could feel him pulling me back.
What the heck God? I had so many tear filled, frustrating days as I asked this question and struggled to get my way. It was consuming me.
Then one day, I felt like God opened my eyes to my surroundings. I was still standing at that starting line, but now I could see what was around me. What I failed to see before. My children were next to me trying to get me to just step off the line and enjoy their presence. My husband was there with my favorite book, asking me to just step back and take time for myself. My friends were there with coffee, asking if we could just enjoy the morning together. But I was missing all of that. How long had I ignored all of them? How long did I allow the tunnel vision of my “waiting” to blind me from all of the things that were important?
That was the day I decided that I needed to STOP THE WAITING! I didn’t have to give up on those dreams. But I also didn’t have to live on edge, waiting for the signal to start. God wasn’t holding me back to frustrate me, but to give me a chance to enjoy the time with my children while I still can. To embrace the time with my husband and my friends. To refuel my soul with a good book on occasion. He wanted me to enjoy all of these things. And because of his great love for me, He was making a way for me to do it.
Instead of being thankful for the blessings, I was questioning the things I didn’t have. You guys, the last several summers have been tough. Since opening the gym in 2013, we have spent every summer either working long hours, moving and renovating buildings, having a new baby, or going through some hard personal changes. I haven’t spent a summer with Miah, enjoying each day since she was 3. She just turned 9! And God gave me just what I needed this summer. We were able to get passes to our local pool/splash park. And I have literally taken the girls there every possible day that we can. And Jere was able to change his schedule recently too. So instead of being at the gym from 7am-6 or 7pm each night, he gets to enjoy mornings at home with us and just spend a few hours there each afternoon. So he has joined us at the pool most days as well. But I was so blinded by my drive for more, that I felt guilty for enjoying this season of rest and blessing. God gave me what I had been praying for, but I was allowing the enemy to use my strength of being a hard worker to convict me for enjoying God’s blessing.
You see, I finally realized that enjoying a season of blessing does not make me lazy. God gives us the rest we need. In August, my girls will both be in school several days a week and I can focus more on the work that I so strongly desire. But for now, I get to be present. And I am so thankful for God opening my eyes through that silly analogy of the starting line of my race. He is a Good Good Father, friends!! Lets never forget that.
How many of you are living in that same place? Are you so focused on what you want to happen in the future, that you are missing the joys of your present season? The details surrounding your story may be different than mine, but God may still be speaking to you to slow down, stop striving, and just enjoy the place where He has called you to right now! Not tomorrow or next week or next year. But RIGHT NOW!
What is it that is happening in your life today that you can slow down and fully enjoy?